Missing Miss

Its like no matter how you explain it or how you say it, can't nothing help you to tell it like the way your heart feel. I remember coming home from summer school in my mom's car and hearing her just out of no where just said "Laila, Miss die, everyone die," I was shock, because I've never dealt with death this personal. So for it to happen just blew me away.  To be honest her death didn't hit me at 1st, because I didn't realize that, I'll no longer have her in my life, or talk to her face to face or that I'll never see her as long as I live. Life for me was complicated for me to grasp. I remember being afraid to sleep at night because I was afraid that I'll see her as a ghost and I wasn't ready for that. My appetite was gone, I no longer yarn for food, and no matter how hard I try to eat food wasn't no longer sweet in my mouth.  To be honest her death really was my 1st heart break that I'll never forget because of the feeling that it bought towards me. I remember our last conversation together I remember her saying that she was trying to get her husband to America so that they can live together in one big house and she was going to come get me so that I can live with her. I was very happy to hear about this beautiful plan. But unfortunately things didn't go as planned. I'll stop right here because this is too much to write down.

ONE DAY....

Just one day I'm going to be someone wife and mother. By God grace I'm going to graduate from college and have my P.H.D in psychology. I'm going to be a legend before I die. The world will know my story, my God, my struggle and my determination. I'm going to prove everyone that doubted me and have called me stupid wrong. With constant prayers and ambitious, I'll move mountains.  Just one step at a time and I'll soon be there to my destiny. All I have to do is keep on pushing because regardless what I'm going through.... My God will never forsaken me.

The 2nd of 2014!

I guess by me writing this on the 2nd day of the new year have something to do with my birthday which is the 2nd of February. I'm lost for words... I'm not even sure what words to say right now. But I'm going to try any way. I feel numb in a way that I'm just used to the pain the mistreatment, the bossing around, and not saying anything to anyone because not everyone will be able to understand what I'm trying to say. I don't know. I'm just by far over everything that is occurring around me. See I have this big beautiful picture in my mind of what I want to accomplish in the future despite what is going on around me. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be alright and that my life is not going to be like this forever. But the pain somehow interrupt and takes me away from concentrating on the bright side of my life. Sometimes I wish that I could go back to my childhood where I can lay my face on the soft skin of Cici Mary and just act like a baby around Miss. Unfortunately that's impossible because there Is no way I can reverse the clock and revisit those special moments. Often I catch myself sad just thinking about the good days especially on them cloudy days. But you know what they said at the end of every tunnels there's a light. I'm almost there... Because I can see a dim of light peeking through the walls. Glory be to God!

2013 Thanksgiving

I must say that this thanksgiving that I had this year was amazing and something different that I have ever experienced. It seem like everything that I have dream of came to life. It was nice having different foods, and to see how another family member interact with one another was lovely.

In search of Love...

I know that I shouldn't dare get back involved in love... But I just can't help myself. I've had some bad experiences with Love, but still I continue to get involved. I don't know why I keep on coming back for more when love had left tremendous scars and crack on the flesh of my heart. I just want to know how it feel... the rush, the endless addiction, the romantic moments, the rainy days. I just want to know that throughout my Life I know that someone else had love me and I have love someone. May be it having someone there on your side at the end of the day. May be it the fact that you're the reason someone look forward to live everyday. I would kill to have someone there at the end of ever day no mater what the circumstances may be they're still there by your side. Now that right there mean a lot because it said a lot. May be just may be one of these day I'll truly be happy to know that love has finally find me and that I don't have to be alone no more because my soul mate have finally come to my rescue.

Dashaun... is it meant to be?

Yesterday on the 15 of September, I literally walkup to this guy that I could of sower liked me, and said" HI my name is Laila" with my hands out. He than in turn around and said Hi my name is Dashaun and right after that I told him that the lady at the cafeteria told me that he said "what up" as in code word of I am intestine in her. He said yea I he recall that and right there I was completely speechless! like there wasn't no words coming out. I didn't know what words to say or how to say it. He seem like he understand and said do you want my # so that we can text and I said yea I give him my # and I told him to call me b/c I don't have any service in my dorm. He did and I asked him if he was a freshman, a basketball player, and if he lived in Delaware and he said yes to all of them. He said that he was going to call me when he's done with the cafeteria. I came back to my dorm with Casey who was with me at that time and I completely scram b/c I really had a crush on him and the fact that I had the courage to walk up to him was the bravest thing I ever done. So it has been 2 days now and still this guy have not called me I texted him Good Morning but there was Nothing. sooo as for now I am going to stop trying.

My first day of college.

oh my gosh! August 23rd of 2013 is the day that I moved into Neumann University. the beginning was not so well because I had to move all of my belongings into ms.kim car all by myself. which was irking but thank God that I moved in peacefully. I ended up having three guys to help me move in which was a relief for me because I didn't had to take in the hard things. but one of the guys that had helped me was really cute and muscular. I have two roommates one is black and her name is Vicky. The other girl name is Becca and she is white. so far all of us are getting along great. well hopefully I get in a serious relationship with a decent guys out here. well so long guys