L.o.v.e.

Is the feeling that you give me that make me feel like a queen. You make me feel like I'm royal and for that I'm embarrassed about my past relationship. Is it love when everytime I see you I get butterflies in my stomach? What does it mean when I can't stop thinking about you and alway be fening you. I'm super scare b/c I don't want to get hurt again. 

Still hurting through the smile.

I really do be surprising myself. How can I   Look so happy when I'm going through a lot? My heart is so heavy and twisted. I really need to break through. 

It's time for me to love Laila

It's sad that I never took the time to actually love myself but instead I look for love in all the wrong places. Sometime I wonder why I never learn my lessons and why I keep on repeating the same ol mistake over and over again. It's time for me to stop giving and giving to others and start to help myself 1st and foremost. 

I have to get it right...

I can't be living life I used to... I don't want my life to make the wrong turn. I don't want to be used no more. I don't want to be fearful no more. I'm Laila a grown woman. I'm not that little girl no more I have grown up and experience some harsh things. I have been through hell and back and still standing. I'm going to be just fine at the end this I trust on The Lord to do for me. 

Adam...

I remember the 1st time we met. I remember exactly what you had on. I remember looking at you at the 1st time and thinking to myself hmmm he has a kind heart. You did things that no guy has ever done for me. You make me feel like a queen. You treat me so proper maybe that explain why I'm so stuck on you. I just wanted to give you the world just like you give me. I wanted you to feel special just like you made me feel. I wanted you to know that I care. But after what took place was done I really have to face the truth and analyze what I want to do with my life. I can't be living like this. 

Is like...

Is like I'm drifting slowly from everything. I believe that I'm too kind to people. No matter what I do or say I just can't seem to learn from the same mistake that I keep on repeating. This is the 2nd day of the New year and I still have this demon that I need to get away from. I feel ashame of myself mostly b/c of my past and the dumb decisions I make. Sometime I wonder how does God feel when he see me going back to my same mistake. I really need to repent. I believe that I need to revaluate my whole entire life. B/c I'm too much around the same negative energy. When will I learn is the question? I just never seem to get it right at all. But by God grace I will.