Our first kiss 💋

So today around 12 on the last day of Februray Chris and I had our first kiss. It was awkward but in a cute way. We were lying down in the living room with the light turn off when he said "come here" I did what he said and he tried to kiss me but couldn't find my lips. Lol i was cracking up because of the fact that he couldn't find my lips. We both laughed at each other and give it another try. This time he managed to find it and planted a kiss on my lips. I remember how his lips felt. I remember him telling me that I don't know how to kiss. I remember the way he kissed my cheek. It felt like wet little fishes sucking on my toe. 

So yesterday night

I went over Chris's house last night and we talk and watched some movies. It felt weird being in a place that my aunt ex boyfriend used to live in. But the place sure does look good. I remember the way that Chris smelled. He smelled sooo good especially his breath. It was a good sign when a guy breath smells good. I lay on his lap and we talked about movies that we both liked. I was surprise to see him aware of the kind of movie I'm interested in. The weird thing about it was that he live in a house where his baby mom and mom along with his son live in. I was suprise. But the good thing is that they live in separate rooms. I double checked to. I don't know what this May end up to but I'm getting to know him and see where things take off from here. I'm trying to not rush anything and just let things fall into place like God want it to be. 

My thank you cards to...

KSo today I purchased four thank you cards to people that have helped me. I'm very proud of the person that I am becoming and it's all because of God. I know that sometime it's the little things that count and that everyone loves to be appreciated for the things that they have done to help others. Well this my token of appreciations to these four women that have helped me. 

We met again

So today I finally ran into this guy that I first met in 2013. It's was so funny because I saw him at Ross and in my mind I was like that face look familiar. And than he look at me and said that you  just going to look and not speak? He was like don't I know you from somewhere and I was like no. He said your face look familiar... Do you know some boy name Tito?! I was like "oooooh yeah... Chris! We both started cracking up. This was the same guy that had give me ride from a cookout that I attended in the summer of 2013. I remember siting in the back of his car and he and his friend Tito was cracking jokes. I laughed so hard that my stomach started to hurt. The weird thing was that when we exchanged number none of us were able to contact one another. I remember calling his number and hearing a female voice. I was like oooh no he got a girlfriend. It's funny that he told me that he called my number and couldn't get through me. He said that he saw me getting on the 108 going to the airport but wasn't to sure if that was me. And I remember clearly last week i saw him on my way to catch the bus. He stare at me and I stare at him. He'll turn back around and I'll trun back around until it was time for me to turn to another block. I don't know but I remember telling myself that if it's ment to be God will allowed us to cross each other path again. And now look at all of this. Maybe there is a reason why we God allowed us to meet one another again. But this time I'm going to give it to God. 

My Best Friend Casey!

She is the first white girl that I ever became close to. The way that she managed with the little that she have touch my heart. She is sweet and kind always speaking positive and praising God. I never knew that me and a whit girl can relate to soooo much. She remind me of myself. Her humbleness and sense of humor, the love that she have for God and Jesus. The fact that she's a giver and not selfish is a epitome of myself. I honestly love her and thank God for alloweding her to stay in my life. She is exactly what I need and deserved in a friendship. I don't mind getting old with her or having our kids growing up with each other. She is my better half. If I don't never get married I'll marry her. ❤️👯 

Growth

I'm very proud of myself. I'm making progress and I'm growing into a beautiful, strong, God fearing woman. I can't believe that I'm actually maturing and handling things so differently. God is 100% real because there is no way that I could of done all of this by myself. I want to let the world know how caring, forgiving God is especially to a sinner. I'm growing and changing each day learning new things, correcting my wrongs and owing up to my mistakes. I'm a living testimony that there's nothing God can't do. As long as I live I'm going to keep on worshiping God and glorify him. 

It now or never...

I'm going to act like there's no such thing as failure. I'm going to pretend that my problems are not that bad. 

I am going to beat the odds regardless...

If I tell you my story will you believe me? If I tell you the things that were done to me and the things that I've done will you still look at me the same? I've been through hell and back to the point the devil is sick of tire of seeing me. many time have I questioned God why me? Why my life got to be the way that it's? I feel like I am alone in this world even though I have God/Jesus and my support system with me... It still does not feel like I am surrounded by a crowd. Sometime I isolated myself from everyone and just keep to myself. I've changed eversince my Miss died. I've become a woman and through that process it has been a bittersweet ride. I've got my heart and back stabbed by people that I break my back for. I have seen friendship that I never thought that I would see come to end actually coming to a end. It hurt when you experienced some hard time with someone and defending someone that others say bad things about to turn around and fuck you over with no fuck given. I can't even fathom how much it hurt is like your heart is numb you don't know what to say and how to say it. But one thing that I can say and mean it is that I am tire if getting stabbed in the back. I am tire of breaking my back for the wrong people. I am ready for a break through. I am ready for change. A new location, a new look,attitude, and a new blessing.   

Disciplining myself.

It's not a easy process but i am doing it. It's hard raising your own self and not knowing where tomorrow will take you. But I have faith in God and I believe in Jesus. I find it interesting that for me I get to finally see others true colors after the damaged is done. I came to conclusion that not everyone that smile infront of me or advice me mean good to me. I have to take what I learn from my mistake and make the best out of what I have from the ashes. In life there are going to be people who you never expected to cross you cross you. You going to get hurt regardless what. It's just life. You can't let it define you or better yet break you. 

I can't stop thinking about him

Yesterday on feb 8th of 2015, I was on my way home when I look up from my phone and saw these bunch of guys staring at me this one guy particular had just walk out and he had said hi to me along with the other guys. I smiled and kept walking stop and look back to see if he was still there I saw him entering inside his car and drove off and all I could think of was like damn he's attrictive. If it's ment to be God would allowed it. So as I kept walking I saw him again! He had made a u turn and pull down his window and asked me my name and if I wanted a ride of course I said yes and went in. He drove me to my block and and he parked the car while we talk and got to know each other. It was so weird the way that he read me. Telling me that I was hurt and that I had trust issues. I was like how do you know all of these? He reply saying that he could tell. To be honest I don't even know. I just want to be happy and to make sure that my life is set before I go falling for someone. 

Feb 8th 2015

So tonight I met this guy. And the way that he read me completely scare the crap out of me. 

Looking forward...

I had enough! The lies, betray, this and that have had me down for some quite time now. BUT I bounce right back up like a worm. I feel a good change coming. I just need to buckel my seat belt and keep my eyes on the cross because my time is coming and I'm ready for it. 

February 2nd 2015! ❤️

So today is my birthday and I've received sooo much love from close love ones and friends. This is the same day that I realize that I'm single and that I was in the wrong relationship. Sometime you'll have to learn some lessons through pain and experience. You can't always depend on ever advice that comes your way. You have to decide rather or not if you going to take the advice or not. But at the end you'll eventually learn your lessons after all. 

A blessing...

It hurt to know that the one person that you were depending to atleast be the 1st to wish you a happy bday didn't make any attempt. You can bend break your back for someone but it does not guarantee that they'll return back the favor to you. But like my mother always said "every disappointment is a blessing". Well cheer to this blessing in disguise. The best is yet to come.  

I'm scare of the feeling that I'm feeling. I don't want to open up and get shut. I'm tire of being heart broken. For once in my life I just want and need someone that is going to be loyal to me. Someone that is going to be there for me.