You're no good for me.

Im tire of sweeping your mistakes and brutal truth under the rug, I have to face the truth and face the fact that you're not good for me. It hurt but it will hurt even more if I allowed you to destroy me. I refuse for that to happen so I'm going to let you go. You're no good for me. You're a bad habit that I need to put a end to. This time I'm going to take my own advice and put myself first. 

The good bye to the Adam...

So today on January the 13th I let go of Adam out of my life. I could hear that he care in his voice even though he was angry. But I have to let him go so that I can be set free. How can I let someone that I have feeling for out of my life? Sometime in life you have to let things that you love go so that you can see what else is in store for you. At least now I can have a peace of mind and actually be at peace with myself and myself only. This time around I want to love Laila fully and get the chance to know my worth and to know how to not let my worth get taken advantage of. I want to be in a relationship with Laila and focus on the things that will help me grow spiritually and to better myself. I'm tire loving others  instead of loving myself. 

L.o.v.e.

Is the feeling that you give me that make me feel like a queen. You make me feel like I'm royal and for that I'm embarrassed about my past relationship. Is it love when everytime I see you I get butterflies in my stomach? What does it mean when I can't stop thinking about you and alway be fening you. I'm super scare b/c I don't want to get hurt again. 

Still hurting through the smile.

I really do be surprising myself. How can I   Look so happy when I'm going through a lot? My heart is so heavy and twisted. I really need to break through. 

It's time for me to love Laila

It's sad that I never took the time to actually love myself but instead I look for love in all the wrong places. Sometime I wonder why I never learn my lessons and why I keep on repeating the same ol mistake over and over again. It's time for me to stop giving and giving to others and start to help myself 1st and foremost. 

I have to get it right...

I can't be living life I used to... I don't want my life to make the wrong turn. I don't want to be used no more. I don't want to be fearful no more. I'm Laila a grown woman. I'm not that little girl no more I have grown up and experience some harsh things. I have been through hell and back and still standing. I'm going to be just fine at the end this I trust on The Lord to do for me. 

Adam...

I remember the 1st time we met. I remember exactly what you had on. I remember looking at you at the 1st time and thinking to myself hmmm he has a kind heart. You did things that no guy has ever done for me. You make me feel like a queen. You treat me so proper maybe that explain why I'm so stuck on you. I just wanted to give you the world just like you give me. I wanted you to feel special just like you made me feel. I wanted you to know that I care. But after what took place was done I really have to face the truth and analyze what I want to do with my life. I can't be living like this. 

Is like...

Is like I'm drifting slowly from everything. I believe that I'm too kind to people. No matter what I do or say I just can't seem to learn from the same mistake that I keep on repeating. This is the 2nd day of the New year and I still have this demon that I need to get away from. I feel ashame of myself mostly b/c of my past and the dumb decisions I make. Sometime I wonder how does God feel when he see me going back to my same mistake. I really need to repent. I believe that I need to revaluate my whole entire life. B/c I'm too much around the same negative energy. When will I learn is the question? I just never seem to get it right at all. But by God grace I will.